by: Melissa Bell
Like many of you that I speak with, my relationship with my mother was challenging. Tainted by her life decisions and my bitter resentment, we spent a majority of life fighting. I hated her for all of the things she did and didn’t do for me well into my thirties. It wasn’t until my own understanding of God’s grace and mercy that I was able to begin to extend the same to her and begin to mend our relationship. While it was never the sweet and endearing mother| daughter relationship we all aspire for, it was one filled with love and compassion, compelled by the Holy Spirit.
Below is a note from my journal, written to her on what would’ve been her seventy-first birthday. I hope my words inspire you to love more unconditionally and mend broken fences.
Today is my mom’s birthday, the 7th year she isn’t here with us to be celebrated.
If she were here, I’d buy her yellow roses because they were her favorite and I would spoil her rotten to make up for all of the years I didn’t. I would look her in the eyes and tell her that I love her and that I’m sorry.
I’m sorry I didn’t stand up for you more when others discarded you because of the way you looked or behaved. When standing at the same crossroads today, I would choose differently.
I’m sorry I was too busy to sit with you in your pain. I was running from my own problems and trying to appear more put together than I truly was.
I’m sorry that I focused more on your actions and not your intentions. Something tells me that if I had sat with you long enough, I would’ve realized that we’re not as different as I once thought.
And Momma, don’t listen to this loud world. It’s full of anger and hate and will tell you that you are not enough. God knows that we’re not enough so He sent His son.
The world is full of broken, messy people (both in and outside of the church). They don’t know what to do when your inner pain seeps out through your addictions, it makes them feel uncomfortable…but God does. God knows that we can’t save ourselves so He sent a savior.
Please stop looking to an ever-changing world for love and validation. It will chew you up and spit you out and keep on trucking…never looking back to take notice of the collateral damage.
Look to the Creator…your Creator. God knows all you have done and all you will do and He loves you just the same. There is nothing you can say or do that can separate you from the love of God. God is a God of grace and mercy and His love is unconditional. Don’t let the burdens of the past hold you down, you are forgiven.
Momma, hold your head high because you are a child of God and God doesn’t make mistakes. You are redeemed! You are beautifully and wonderfully made, a creation of the God most high. And if anyone tells you differently, just send them my way because this time I got your back.
Love you forever and always,
Melissa
Forgiveness is hard. This is one of the topics Tara is discussing in her closed Facebook group: